rain slippery ground ,new improv place, a beautiful spot under the aurora bridge

wow ok, I made the photo very huge....I hope I have room for the text..hahaha!I danced at the RedSquare again yesturday.I slipped once.As I thrashed around, I slipped and my hands hit the ground..I started to dance very timidly, it scared me a little,.. a bit embarrassed too, so I pretend to myself that I can handle it...Is the rain ever going to stop? tears weld up a little bit for some reason..I see a face, an immediate search for comfort of my friend's face inside me.I was thinking of my friend who is suffering..combatting with death...right at that moment,  every day now, for some time... so as I danced, and  if  I started to feel sorry for myself, I realize this and buckle up, and immediately begin the process of trying to relax my emotions that are welling up again and again with  the thoughts.Part of this butoh journal is dedicated to this friend, who has long been my mentor, created beautiful costumes from me when I began dancing for the stage.She has always given me the prescious gift of  appreciating the beauty of  Japanese textiles, the unusual cuts and shapes of the uniforms and garments from the old times, diffrent eras, the dye, the beautiful  deft art  of  tie-dye-Shibori, the art of indigo,  diffrent  mens  garments'weavings, and espescially Kasuri.. ..she would take apart an old kimono or Monpe( farmers pants) and make something  completely modern and stylish, even for everyday wear, I would be her experiment and wear the daily clothes too!She would tell me stories of when she was a little girl and was a tomboy, tortureing a young monk-to be- boy  back in Kyoto, while feeding me hand-made ohagi ( azuki bean paste and sweet rice)  I hesitated to even mention her situation but when I dance, she is always with me, she is the big part of the motivation since december ,so I have able to dance in the outdoors.Her laughter, her lightness, her mischievious nature and humor always make me contageous of her charactor and reminds me of lightness.
So, this is what happens, I notice this daily now.In the time zone of moving and improvising for a while, the  mind gets antsy,  It wants to judge, it wants to control , question, and wander ALL THE TIME, the mind   wants to attach to everything that comes through..It is similar to  trying to meditate, and you struggle.The other day I was under the Aurora Bridge, where you can see the beautiful lake union and the Fremont Bridge, in the second hour, right after the point of boredom urge spreading and feeling nothing interesting is comming out, I repeated with full intent of some of the movements and sensations over and over and over since that was where the intent somehow wished to go. pretty soon, I was riding the gush of wave of SECOND WIND and was able to "go in to" the body again. after the third hour, your mind hits the " I want to stop now, hmm.. must be close to the point of stopping." But by this time all I need to do is remind myself i it is a passing urge. There was a guy taking a picture of me with a strange shaped big camera that he was looking through the top part of it.It must be an old camera from a different era... as soon as I looked up to walk up to him, he ran away.
At the UW red square, one of the people watching came up to me, actually stopped my dancing and asked me." so what are you doing? and why are you doing it?" I love these curious students. Its funny now, instead of gathering around to see what is up,  most of the  students walk by, stop briefly to take my pictures with a phone, and rush away.On wednesday, I went to a OmCulture yoga studio  contact improvisation jam.People are kind, I am still pretty new at this.... contact thing.. maybe its a japanese thing.. I feel still shy.I appreciated the new energies and an opportunity for me to listen.